Memento

"I have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world's still there. Do I believe the world's still there? Is it still out there?... Yeah. We all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we are. I'm no different. "

One of my most favorite quotes. And lately...I have been getting a lot out of it. Just the idea that even though it is not physicaly there, like someone telling you that they care, it is still there. All because they are not showing you doesnt mean that they dont care. Its hard for me at times. I worry that those little things mean that they dont care, that they hate me. But I need to keep telling myself this quote and remembering that its ok to doubt, its ok the look in that mirror and remember they care.

We all need mirrors. I'm no different

Lets Pack Up

I'm not falling for anymore of these tricks
I'm so tired of everything here
The sun is calling me to the west
Everyone's having fun out there
My bags are packed as im looking out the window
Everything is so outdated here
I wanna move west to where the sun is shining
I want my friends to all be there

Ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh
ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh

Chorus
Let's pack up and move to california
She's got lots of friends out there
We'll never get bored cuz we can go boardin'
Let's let the sunshine take us there

I am tired of taking it slow
So tired but I'm not sleepin
I'm wired, about to pick up my board
Cuz we're all headed out for the weekend

Let's pack up and move to california
Hop on board before we get older
Raise your hands and shout for california
Come on come on come on come on

chorus

Come on come on come on come on

Ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh
Ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh

Let's pack up and move to california
She's got lots of friends out there
We'll never get bored cuz we can go boardin'
Let's let the sunshine take us there

Let's pack up and move to california
She's got lots of friends out there
We'll never get bored cuz we can go boardin'
Let's let the sunshine take us there

Let's pack up and move to california
Hop on board before we get older
Raise your hands we're headed for the border
come on come on come on come on

"i just dont want to be a little fling, something just for fun. i dont want to loose her i dont want to be treated like that for payback for what ive done to so many people. thats what im scared of the most. For being used or just another guy like so many girls were to me"

Wants

Its funny when you want something so badly, more than you have ever wanted something. And you want it so badly because you know you can have it. You know you can have it but you dont know how to get it. Its not the thing that everyone wants that you want so desperatly, but the thing that everyone could have that you want. Its not the thing that makes your eyes jump, but the one that makes your soul dance. Its the one that makes you feel like the stupidest guy in the world but at the same time the luckiest. The one that makes you wonder, "why me?" Then you realize it is because you chose it. It is because you want it so deeply that you can have it and somehow will. Then that is when you know in the end, it doesn't matter how you get it, because you want it solely you have it. You have it in the palm of your hand and it is just waiting for you to grasp it. It is that grasp though, that is keeping you from having it, it is the thing that you fear most. It is the thing that makes you think that it is not yours when you know more than you've ever know anything that it always has been yours. And that grasp is the thing that often lets it fall through your fingers to where someone else realizes that it is theirs. That fall, is what makes it so hard to grasp it, that is what makes you fear the tightening of your fingers because what if, what if it happens again? What if when you go to grasp it, you can't? That the exact thing will happen and you can't stand to do it once again because you hate knowing you let the thing you wanted most fall, fall into someone else's hands to grasp, and you are left with nothing else but the things that everyone else wants, which you dispise the most.

Head Over Heels

Just, close my eyes and dream away

Everyday they’re coming truer than true.

I peek through my fingers to see if its real

I can only hope it’s you

Treading through my dreams, walking through my door

Just don’t know what to say anymore

Fantasy and reality merging at once

I can only hope its not just a hunch

Cuz I’m, Head over heals over you

Lost my mind and I’m seaching for answers

I’m, head over heels over you

You’re my lock and I’m your key

I’m laying down not sitting up

When I see your sparkling eyes sneaking right on in

Golden blonde hair wavying in my reflection

Your beauty must be a sin

I can only hope I can only dream

I can only wish I can only sing

I can only hope I can only dream

I can only wish I can only sing

Head Over Heels

Writin and Composed By Indy Elwood ©

Stewie

"stop getting pushed around! Be a man, if you want her, go get her.

Rockstar

This is like a drug to me. Lately I have been drinking them and it is amazing. It is the only thing really that accualy make me feel more pumped. I've tried other stuff and it just tastes bad too. But Rockstar....it fits the rockstar in me.

Anyways, spring break is going pretty awesome. Doing alot of chilling and Guitar Hero and guitar. Should get on my homework but thats ok...its time to party like a Rockstar!

I'm so hot for you
Baby love me through and through
I'm so hot for you
Make you love me like I do

Demain.

If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be travelling on, now,
cause theres too many places Ive got to see.

Sometimes I feel
Like I dont have a partner
Sometimes I feel
Like my only friend

And just fake it, if you’re out of direction
Fake it, if you don’t belong here

I know I won't be leaving here with you

We live happily forever, so the story goes
But somehow we missed out on that pot of gold
But well try best that we can to carry on

Whos to say

Proverbs 14:12

There is a way that seems right to a man,
but in the end it leads to death.

This made me think a lot about what was said over the weekend. We talked a good amount about "being a good person" and what it meant. Isn't if funny that the bar for being a good person is usally set right where we are? Yeah. Being a good person is not enough to go to heaven...Im sorry guys. I wish it was that easy, accualy thats a lot harder than it really is I think, but what ever. I love how that verse puts it though, "there is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end leads to death" it can be taken a few ways. Eternal death, as in hell or human's idea of life to the fullest and that leading to death. Either way, I got my Jesus!

Dare 2 Share : Survive

This weekend has been a lot of things. A refreshment course of last times was a majority of it, but it was also a whole bunch more. The people that you are around make a whole difference. Yes 2 years ago was awesome and I loved it, but thats what I needed 2 years ago. I feel that I really took this trip to heart this time, that it was learning what a "Loser" was but more accualy becoming one and not only being willing to die for Jesus but also living for him.

There is so much more that happened in me, but instead of just telling you about it, I'm gonna show you.

Case of the Mondays

I love getting college stuff in the mail. Everytime I come home and have gotten a letter from NCC its like christmas. Today I got my papers for housing and what not which was awesome but I already had printed and filled them out cuz I just do that...but it was exciting!! I can't wait, and in a few weeks i get to send my money for everything. It is an awesome adventure and I feel really ahead of the gang because alot of people still dont know where they are going for sure, cuz they didn't do early admissions, so that makes me feel even more of a rockstar.

ARE YOU EXCITED FOR SURVIVE?!! I SURE AM!!!!!

Gone

Life is more than money
Time was never money
Time was never cash, Life is still more than girls
Life is more than hundred dollar bills
And oh the town fills

Today during advisory the seniors had to go listen to some guy talk about business and he said a few times that time was money, and not to waste peoples time because of that. I hate it when people say time is money. Just the fact that this thing we are all stuck in is some how equal to money. There is no point to working all the time if you are just gonna spend that money on nothing, no free TIME to use the money.

So that was just what was bugging me today....nothing big really but something about it. Owell lol. Time is money, HAhaha....who made that up....

Responsibility, Not Quite Yet

I don't want this responsibility
And don't use me because I don't agree

Why lie, do or die?
Why lie, do or?

Responsibility? What's that?
Responsibility? not quite yet
Responsibility? What's that?
I don't want to think about it; we'd be better off without it

You think I'm so simplistic
I'm onto you and your tricks

I'm still young and I'd like to stay that way
'Cause growing up won't make everything okay
I'm still young and I'd like to stay that way
I've got a voice and I've got a lot to say
I've got a lot to say. . .

So the other day I was realizing that whats been bugging me the most is the feeling of all these things I HAVE to do. You know, like school and work and homework and so on. It just gets to the point where I want to crash, that i feel so over worked from everything that I need to take a week off and just sleep. But I know I cant do that because without working means no money for college or car or anything and I obveously cant skip school or homework. I mean sure there are things I could cut out of my load but then I would feel that I'm going back on my word or something, cuz I said I would do it. I guess we'll just see right? Lol indeed, just take it one day at a time and enjoy the little mementos.