Manifesto

So tonite i hung with jesse and michael. First I was just meeting jesse at firy and was planing of just having a nice time talking and catching up on things cuz i feel like im losing my best friend, hes always working now and bible school and naps....so i really just wanted a nite of him and me doing what we do. But then Jesse told me Michael was coming so i was like ok thats cool, can still do it but not to the full extent cuz me and jesse have too many inside jokes.

Then i got there and only jesse was so we were waiting for michael. Then mindy, jordan and lauren show up in her car. They were waiting for their movie to start and knew we were together so they came to see us. but to me it felt more like they came to try to get us to go to the movie. that they didnt really want me and jesse hanging without them. then after 10 mins michael showed up and it was just like a jokefeast or whatever you wanna call it. Then they start talking about stuff that just seemed like....like what i should have expected. Someone had been thinking about something for a few days now and just had to tell the other so they finaly just did. I knew all the stuff but i had worked hard not tell my best friend, because everyone said i was jesse's spy so i was fine, if you really think that i will just shut up and probly do the right thing anyway. But once they told him about the stuff i really wanted to tell him the last peice of info that they forgot....on purpose i think. I really wanted to tell him but i didnt, iono if i will. I probly will end up leting it "slip" but who knows.

Then jordan mindy and lauren started to feel unwelcomed or something iono, and left for their movie. So the three guys went to jesse's for a while and worked out and played on his comp. fun stuff.

But i feel like theres something more, that even though everyone, except one, pissed me off somehow. Yet I still call them my friend. Is it just because everyone makes mistakes and i care and like them enough to let them keep doing dumb things? Or is it that no matter what, who ever i am friends with will mess up? At times i feel so close to them, like just thursday me and her had a nice talk about everything and i loved it and felt like she was a great friend. but then there are those days where i cant stand to be around her. Then like last nite all the guys, i felt like i was connecting to them so much. I even said to myself one time last nite "this is the life" thinking about how everything in the world just seemed right with them and some of those deep stabs were finaly healing. Then tonite that person totaly disrespects my stuff and thinks its just fun and games to watch it break. I get the feeling that we are such hateful people. Like it pleases a few of us to torcher another friend, to watch him get so pissed over tiny little things. I saw that i was one of those and stoped doing it. I hated myself when i saw that i was doing it to him so i went and apoligized and tried to hang with him away from the others. At times i really see God in every single one of them. But then there are times where i dont even see how they call themselfs christians. I have been working so hard on myself and getting to the point where i think others will look at me and go "yeah, hes christian. hes so nice to everyone and always does the right thing even if he doesnt want to."

matt26: 39Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."

42He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done."

Thats what i want, to be able to do what God wants no matter what. All the time i just give in to what i want. We all do. It IS hard to be a good christian boy/girl. What will it take for people to just want to go to YG because they want GOD, not friend or good times or fun games? Wednesday alot of people didnt go because they wanted to have fun and they figured YG wouldnt so they just wernt gonna go. WHAT?????? since when has YG ever been about US? the whole point of it is to learn about God and be around other christians and worship Him. It killed, KILLED me that when we went to have worship time no one was into it or pay attention or sang. Everyone else was more wanting to game. It just hurts. I rather any day be playing guitar for God then playing some dumb game. I just feel that everyone has their prioraties in the wrong order. Maybe thats cuz Prior isnt here to tell them how they should be. No one wants to give Nicole a chance and just wants what Prior did. Theres a reason why he left. Havnt you seen his myspace or blogs or anything??? They all are doing so much better up there, making a difference. God called him there and he listened. Nicole felt God calling her to the job and so she listened too. Now its our time to listen to God and just let us leave her alone and give her a chance. So what if she was busy getting married, you would do the same too. So what if she didnt come back after the mission trip because she meet a boy who she liked and her work picked up, you would do the same too. So what if shes not what Prior was or what you want her to be, she still sucked it up and is doing what God wants her to do, you might do the same too but i doubt it. You instead would just push God in a corner and do as you want, you think you know whats best for your live, after all it is yours. You dont go to church because you rather be sleeping in an extra hour or two and now your not coming to YG. Where else are you going to get closer to God? In your girlfriends car listening to crappy hip-hop?

Which Jesus do you follow? Which Jesus do you serve? If ephsens says to imitate Christ, why do you look so much like the world? I know what Jesus i atleast try to follow. I know i cant be perfect like he was and i know that i fail at things too but i try. I keep trying. these last few months i have felt so amazing because i have felt like i am being a better christian and person over all. I am trying so hard to follow what he wants, to not get mad right away, to love everyone, to hold the door open for someone even when i want to go shove someone into a locker. So from now on, if you call yourself a christian im going to hold you to it a bit. If i see you or hear you doing something that isnt the best thing im going to call you out. I dont ask you to change the world, but i do ask to at least try. And i ask you to do the same to me, if you hear or see me doing something i shouldnt tell me, i will be glad to hear it. I love you guys and thats why i DID stick around when all but one of you pissed me off. And i love you so much i want to help you, i want us to be a team.