Life

So today I kept thinking about college and fall. Jesse and his bro were talking about next year and everyone is getting ready which is weird but still it just got me thinking of how...I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here in beaverton to work and hopefully get there next year. It really makes you think, everyone is moving on and you just wonder where you messed up...where you went wrong and what you could have done to stop it. I mean, sure I'm trying to start this whole music thing but its not like i can just do it..I guess we just have to wait and see what the plan is. I've been offered some nice things and I'm a lil surprised but I know I will have it made next year working.

So if you havnt heard yet, I am starting a job at Haggen, working in the deli part to full time. Now, this wont take up much of my days so I am trying to work it where I can also stay at Creekside and do that in the evenings. I think its going to work out real nice. Almost everyone at Creekside is leaving and as much as I would like to be one of them at times I also want to be the one that saves the few that stay. I know if so many of them leave, as to 6 are most likely going to, it will be almost impossible for the 3 that arnt to make it work. So maybe things will change around there and I can use it to my advantage and get a raise hehe. We'll see what happens, alot is going to happen in the next few weeks. One of my favorite co workers is going to be the second of the bunch to leave and I'm dreading it. He started about 2 weeks after me and I've gotten pretty close with him, he would always drive me home. We've kinda got this thing too where we just make jokes about the other for like 2 hours and get the others involved and it just kinda brings it all together. I'm pretty scared for it, with out him because its always the nights that he doesnt work that are just boring and feels like work and I dont accualy enjoy it. Iono, I know i will still have my boss who i am tight with but it will still be weird.

Trusties

when you took away the scrubs, you took away the trust, and without trust everything falls apart. We all left thinking about how important trust is. Dr Cox let Elliot have her trust in human kind for a little while longer, Carla protected the trust we have in her by coming clean. As for Dr kelso, he knew that trusting us was probly foolish. Still, it was worth it.

My Nickname

The only problem here is you, ok? we're supost to be friends, your self estem is so wraped up in what you do. Your a doctor, thats all you are, thats how you define yourself. And you think your better than me because of it. Admit it, admit it right now or else I will never be able to respect you. Ok sometimes thats true. Your a good nurse. I'm a great nurse, you patrinizing jerk.



Sometimes the only way to take a really good look at your self is through someone else's eyes. And if your lucky, you will like what you see, or you'll learn from it. If you don't like what you see, you can only hope you havn't burned too many bridges.

My New Old Friend

That place is full of liers. We're doctors, that comes with the territory. Some patients just dont like telling the whole truth. Well I dont see why they have to do that. Maybe its cuz their proud, maybe its cuz their scared. Maybe its cuz telling the truth would make them too vulnerable.

Summer

Slow Ride, take it easy


Movie of the week: Dazed and Confused

God loves you, dont forget it

TCW

Shut up shut up shut up shut up! Who are you people to give me advice about anything? All you do is complain about your relationships all day long. And you know what, glare all you want big dog, cuz I'm not afraid of you. "Ohh no, Jordans only paying attention to the baby" that must be soo hard for Dr look-at-me! Isnt it, look-at-me! And you two, your arguing since you got engaged. Wow your probly the first couple to have ever done that ever, it cant be because your scared is it? And you, lets just forget for one second that a month ago you told me you couldnt be in a relationship with anyone, because for me, its accualy fun to watch you sabatoge a relationship from the outside, it really is. Honestly, the only thing that gives me comfert you guys is while sitting at home, staring at the ceiling wishing I just had someone to talk to, is knowing that none of you idiots know how lucky you are.

I dont think people are meant to be by themselves, thats why if you accualy find someone you care about, its important to let go of the little things, even if you cant let go all the way. Cuz nothing sucks more than feeling all alone, no matter how many people are around.


You see, the truth is you guys have been complaining about work since the second I got here, just dying for an excuse to blow it off, so maybe you should quit being pissed at me when you just hate your jobs.

**** You see, the truth is you guys have been complaining about each other since the second I got here, just dying for an excuse to break it off, so maybe you should quit being pissed at me when you just hate each other.

Golden

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower,
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf,
So Eden sank to grief.
So dawn goes down to day,
Nothing gold can stay.

Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold.


You'd better wise up, Pony... you get tough like me and you don't get hurt. You look out for yourself and nothing can touch you, man.

This is for everyone

People are soo stupid, ya know? I mean the when I got home and went to park the idiot next door parked right on the line and not straight which made it impossible for me to even try to manuver in the stall. But that made me think of my trouble parking at RJ's house so I somewhat understood. But what I'm talking about is when people automaticly just start being stupid and dont even think things through. They just think that they are right in whatever they are doing and continue. Like drivers who got 35 on murry which is 45, its just stupid! I just think it is rediculous and people should get smacked for the things they do. And some people just dont plain think at all. They get too worked up and full of themselves to even think about another and what is going on in their head. If people were to grow up a little and not be suck little girls about everything things wouldn't be so messed up.


PAY MORE ATTENTION TO WHAT YOUR DOING AND SAYING

Gah people. and Butt out of things that dont have anything to do with you, its real annoying

Wait

we’ll hit you with a beat, let’s

move for He has given us everything.

There isn’t a time, a place you can be,

not a place in your face that you cannot see,

back up your face are you talking, yea,

I said it’s grace, He will be with me every place.

And why now, everybody says it, why now,

and everybody says you go with

your flow and everybody knows,

and everybody sings and everybody brings it.

Dude, it was one second of doubt, since when do you care what people thing? I dont, but I care what you think. Since the day I met you, you treated me like I was the man, like I could accomplish everything. The bottom line is, if you care about someone, its pretty easy to make the sacrifice.

I Wont Give Up

Tell me whats your reason
You find me in this treason
I didnt think that Id come through
Then I thought that I failed You
I tell You that I still love You
Well I tell You that Im guilty, I messed up

I am here, and I'm with You now
And didn't think I could feel this way
I am here, and I'm with You now
Because You found me somehow

when you peel out and drive away
I can't believe this happened

I'm trying so hard to forget all the lies that came right in,

I hate to sound so jaded
But it seems like nothing’s changing

My apathy for apologies is getting stronger
No, I can’t take this any longer
So why don’t you figure out if you want this or not
I know I said that I forgave you
But I don’t want to see you go through
All this pain of messing up this night over again

Everything is coming down
And I cant find my way around this town anymore.
So I walked out the door and waited for you to come.
But I couldnt figure out what it was for.
So now Im looking out still waiting for you to come,
and it seems like I cant do anything to help you.
But Im doing it all wrong.
I dont wanna be here anymore,
but I cant do it for you thats not what its for.
And I dont wanna look at the stars one more time,
and I think I can do it and Ill be fine.
I said Im not giving it to you this time Its for God,
nothing more, and I think Ill be fine.
You tied these strings around me
and choked me up to where I couldnt feel anything, and I just wanna move.
I cant sit here anymore,
Im so sick of the floor, theres just something more.
Hes going back there, back where,
everyones got a line, but if theres no love I dont want it this time.
I dont wanna fight it anymore, so here I am, and Im not yours.
I said I dont wanna do it for you this time.

Which to bury, us or the hatchet?

No, I don't hate you
don't want to fight you
know I'll always love you
but right now I just don't like you
No, I don't hate you
don't want to fight you
know I'll always love you
but right now I just don't like you
cause you took this too far

Make your decision and don't you dare think twice
go with your instincts along with some bad advice
this didn't turn out the way I thought it would at all
you blame me but some of this is still your fault

I tried to move you, but you just wouldn't budge
I tried to hold your hand but you'd rather hold your grudge
I think you know what I'm getting at
you said goodbye and I just don't want you regretting that

Come on man tell me what you were thinking,
doing everything with a selfish reason.
I didn’t meant to be the one to cut in,
but you gotta stop and think about what you’re doing.
You sang your song way out of tune,
so step off now and let it loose,
I’m not gonna do it your way!
I’m doing it for God, so I’m here today.

Who's gonna call on Sunday morning?
Who's gonna drive you home?
I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands

I thought you said forever
(Over and over)
A sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion

These thoughts run through my head
(Over and over)
Complacent violence become my only friends

And all the words are on your tongue
They gave you everything when you were young
You threw it all away when you were done
You pray you found the chosen someone
It's not me
I don't wanna be
I'm not the cure, I'm not your savior
Now there's danger every second that you breathe

We’re dancing on the fence.
We’re losing innocence,
but we can’t expect to live like this forever.
We weren’t made to live like this, no never!

If I'm here all alone
If I'm left behind
If they spit in my face
If they hate my kind

I will rise above
I will live for love
I will answer to the call
For the bond between
For the depth unseen
For my God forsake it all

It falls, apart, from the very start, it falls apart, seems like everything i touch, falls
aparty, everything around me, falls apart, when i walk away from you.

Well, I tried....not quite that simple guys

I walk the line
Leave it all behind
I've been waiting forever
Lets go back in time
When I could read your mind
Still I've been waiting

It took the seasons going by
To know its not my fault

I tried to be perfect, tried to be honest
Tried to be everything that you ever wanted
I tried to be stronger, tried to be smarter
Tried to be everything but you

Its been so long
Since you've been home
I used to wait up forever
I used to say a prayer
Wishing you were there
And I'm still waiting

You told me once
You'd show up
But I fell for that
Before I fell to pieces
Then I woke up
To no one,
Just a picture of Jesus
And a house left in pieces


It took the seasons going by
To know its not my fault

I tried to be perfect, tried to be honest
Tried to be everything that you ever wanted
I tried to be stronger, tried to be smarter
Tried to be everything but you

I wanted you
I need you
I want to believe you
I wanted you
I need you
I want to believe you

So I was talking with some people and found out some interesting things. Its funny when you find out stuff about people you would have never expected it from. But then, that's what it's all about isn't it? Finding out who people really are and in the end, what they will do. I tried to be perfect, tried to be honest, tried to be everything that you ever wanted. But I've realized that sometimes it doesn't matter what I've tried because when it comes down to it, I will be those things because I have the strength and endurence and most of all the will. When I hear what others have done I imediantly judge them and most of the time its as a bad person or a bad choice, and it shows me that they arn't strong enough to do what they should have. It makes me feel as if deep down...they dont have what it takes and that they're not gonna make it, I wish they could, but they should have tried harder. When people tell me how good I am at guitar, I usually say "I know" and its not because I'm a super cock jerk, but because I know how hard I've worked my butt off to get here and I know that it's payed off and I thank God consantly for my gift, so maybe I'm not humble right up front, but really when someone tells me how great I am, I do know because its what I live and breathe and constantly working harder and harder at.

J j j Jaded,
And I'm the one that Jaded you.

Am I Qualified?

I was reading someone else's blog today and it was about what they wanted in a boyfriend. I find it pretty funny really when people have qualifications of what they want in a guy or girl. It's like having OCD just with a person. To me, I think it all comes down to what happens and who is the one that makes you smile and say, I want them. I mean, sure I would love a girl who could play guitar or loved the same music as me but really..its not something a girl has to have. I just love laughing at those people who do that because they are going to be so busy looking for the person that fits what they want perfectly that the best one will just pass on by without a second glace, which we all know is what it is all about, the girl that blows you away and you need a second look.

Some Good Riffs

Here's a little taste of a song that I've been working on. I have the guitar and bass parts worked out for the most part and it will be on my CD hopefully!

We stand and raise up, raise up your glory
We bow down to praise you, praise you for eternity
We clap our hands, to a single beat
We dance around, move our feet