Relationships, relationships are so frigal that it only takes one little offense and it can snowball on ya. And if that snowball starts to pick up speed god forbid, you better tuck and go my friend. BAM the shines off the apple, and thats when you realize that that pretty little girl you married isnt a pretty little girl at all, no shes a man-eater. And im not talkin about the ohh wow here she comes kind of man eater, Im talkin about the kind that uses your dignity as a dish towel to wipe up any shreads of manhood you have that might be stuck inside the sink. Of course I may have tormented her time to time but honest to God thats what I thought marrige was about so much so that at the end of that relationship i honestly dont know who i hated more, her or me. I used to sit around and wonder why our friends wernt trying to destroy eachother like we were. And here it turns out the answer was pretty simple, they wernt unhappy. We were.

Relationships dont work the way they do on television and in the movies. will they wont they and then they finally do and their happy forever. Give me a break 9 out of 10 of them will end because they wernt right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced anyway. And im telling you right now for all this stuff, i have not become a cinic, i havnt. Yes i do believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate covered candies and you know, in some cultures a chicken. You can call me a sucker, i dont care. Cuz i do believe in it. Bottom line, couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everyone else but they dont let it weigh them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time, if theyre right and real lucky. One of them will say something.

I've had enough of seeing love
Being played like some game

Stupid people..

Its funny how summers pretty much over and now I have no friends again, it sucks too cuz I have like nothing to do what so ever, besides work. Friends...its funny cuz they always say "oh I'll be there for you forever, you can always count on me, through thick and thin" I was looking at someones page and her and her boyfriend broke up I guess and I just remember her always saying stuff like that and most couples do and it bugs me alot. Its just like whats the point of you saying that now and lying through your teeth when you know very well when something happens you are not accualy going to try and stick with them and work it out. Its just gay really, come on people the only reason why you say it or post it is so that people see oh she really cares for this person and so that the person thinks you have something special and that you will be there no matter what. When in reality you will skip out the first chance you get, you will start drifting away and then thats that. I just wish more people could be honest when it comes to relationship and just be up front. But they can not because we, as humans, are constantly afraid of being vulnerable so we lie and make people believe what they and us want to believe so everything is fine and dandy when, is really that hard to tell someone, hey I dont want anything serious I just like being around you and having fun. I'm not looking for a wife yet so back off. Haha. Iono I'm just tired of people being fake, just up front make no promises and comintments if your just gonna skip out when trouble comes your way. If you REALLY are willing to stick it out 110% then fine blab your mouth about it all you want but make sure the other person is willing also or else your going to be working so hard for someone that in the end doesnt want to be with you. Just some crazy thoughts after a long day and nothing better to do.

Ballin

Oh yea and I wanted to say I'm so tired of stupid people using purell every stupid chance they get. I hate when people go crazy over this crap, someones sick we gotta wipe this crap everywhere when all it does is weaken you to sickness. Just give it up and if your really that freaked out just go run your hands under some water and you'll be fine gosh. I'm just tired of everyone that always follows the stupid media like with the swine flu. The chances of it effecting you is so small that theres no need to worry and you need to just shut up for 10 minutes.

I Wish I Could Say

Everyone keeps talking about how we've changed. Its been a year more or less since we've seen each other cuz of school and what not but everytime they say it, they make it sound bad. I cant stand it. They say it from what they see in a few hour glimps but not in the whole years span or even a few days worth. When ever someone says it to me I just always think to myself, how do you know? You wernt here for any of it and you dont see anything I do, you dont even really know me now. If they were to look at what I do I feel they would respect me for it. Or atleast they should, I work my butt off so I can have an easy life. So that I wont be poor for all my life, so I can sucessed where ever I go. Its funny how much people tell me at Creekside about myself. How my cook constantly tells me I've grown up and taken charge when I need to, how when I do something I dont just do it but I put an extra effort into it. How he calls on me because I am dependable and accualy care about my job. Not just going through the motions but trying harder each time. Then when my supervisor tells me shes trusts me when shes not there, that she asks me my opinion and feedback because I am set apart from the others, I am more of a collige than another worker. When ever they tell me this stuff I just kinda push it out and say thank you but not very often do I accualy care, because I already know it, I makes sure I am like that. To me that what work is, its a place where you go and do what you have to and its not seperate from your personal life, as much as sometimes it would be nice. You bring who you are into the game and you win. Its wierd to think about it but I know how true it is, I am only truely happy when I am working. I complain about having to do it and what not but its when I am there doing it I know its good, I know it will make me who I want to be one day. On my days off I get so bored because I feel like I should be working, making money. Today was one of the first days where I accualy was cooking at Creekside. I was the one calling the shots and deciding how I wanted things and I loved it. I loved having someone else trust me with a huge thing like dinner and having the freedom to bring my style and self into what would happen. I laughed a little cuz I had called my girl at Haggen and asked about what was in something because I couldnt remember exactly what was and I had to improvise and it turned out great. So when people say I've changed I know they are right but for the wrong reasons. I know I have in a great way and that in the end, whos to say I wont be the one on top? Some people spend their time and energy into changing their bodies, their personal life or their image. While they've been doing that I've been pretty busy changing my career. I'm not saying that those other things your focusing on are bad things, I'm just saying mines better. Haha and no, I have havnt changed a bit. I'll always be that same old cocky church boy who no one believes in. But dont worry, I never really cared if you did anyway because all I care about is I know what I can do and I can move moutains. I have the answer, the key and the truth and no one can take that away from me. What makes me even happier is I know that Ive made it this far all by myself. I dont have someone doing everything for me, I work hard so I can take care of my own things and not have to ask my parents or friends for help when I know they couldnt. And thats why I love working. Cuz everything is mine and mine alone, something I will charish all my life is knowing I steped out into the working world and didnt take freebees but took care of myself. Everything was my gains and my loses.

Im scared

I'm quiet, you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind

Or maybe she's in the Bahamas
Where the Carribean sea is blue
Weeping in a tropical moonlit night
Because nobody's told her 'bout you

There's battle lines being drawn
Nobody's right if everybody's wrong
Young people speaking their minds
Getting so much resistance from behind

'nough said

I think I'm on the brink of something large
Maybe like the breaking of the dawn
Maybe like a match being lit
Or the sinking of a ship, letting go gives a better grip

I'm finding everything I'll ever need
By giving up gaining everything
Falling for You for eternity

And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me

I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this

Bring it on, bring it on
If you've got something to say, then say it loud

The ocean is growing
The tide is coming in
Here it is:

School?

So alot has been happening with me. For the past week it feels as if im sick, my ear has been killing me and making it hard to do my everyday tasks(work). So i went in and saw a doctor which i wasnt too thrilled about since i havnt gotten my insurance through work yet but did anyway and they cleaned my ears and told me I was fine and it was probly just from all the wax. And yet it has made no difference, I keep waking up with a stabing pain in my ear when i swallow...

Besides my illness, I've been working on getting into school, I know in the end it is a good idea as much as I dont want to go to pcc. I was surprised and found an auto body degree which for some reason popped out to me. I never really expected to be into that sort of thing but Ive been getting really excited about it. I think it would be awesome to work on cars and be able to do body work and paint. So I have been waiting to hear back from PCC if i have gotten accepted in or am registered so I can go fall term. We will see it should be pretty easy cuz all i have to do is my 16 hours of Gen. Ed and then get my assosiates in applied science and build onto that.

Beach Summer 09

I'm overdressed for success
In a world that has no shame
I've had enough of seeing love
Being played like some game

I know why the good old days are gone
Cause everyone just tolerates whats wrong
I'm not some empty space for rent

I wanna be innocent
Yours wholeheartedly
Innocent
Every part of me
Take me back so I can see
The way that love was meant to be

Boys and girls
The real world
Is one that's filled with consequence
And all the lies that glamorize
It's a life that's broken

I see why the good old days are gone
Every time I turn my tv on
What's wrong with being different

Buried underneath this avalanche
You are my hope and second chance
Don't let my heart get away

So I just got back today from the beach camping trip me and matty had planed and I gotta say it was awesome, a few times not so much, but over all it was fun. I love driving on highway 6, as much pain as those curvy roads are it is still nice just to be able to drive on a one lane road going 65 mph with some friends. Last nite I walked down to the beach alone while everyone was doing something, i dont remember what lol, and I love just being able to go there and stare into the ocean and sky and just talk with God. This song kept popping into my head yesterday and off and on the last few days but when I was on the beach I just couldnt help myself but to sing it, mainly the chorus. Just the thought of "I wanna be innocent, yours whole heartedly." And "I've had enough of seeing love being played like some game." I think these are two things that go hand-in-hand for me. Just what I want so badly. I'm gonna miss you buddy, I know you will be back in a few months but man iono what I'm gonna do without you. Iono who I'm going to look to for strength or understanding. God has blessed me with your pressence these last 6 months and I thank him for you. You were there through thick and thin, I love you and want nothing more than you to come back and to have us just pick up like nothing happened. I dont wanna say goodbye or replace you cuz nothing or no one can. I cant say it enough I love you so much, you truly have been a real best friend to me and thats something that I never have had. Thank you and I hope I did the same.

Innocent

I've had enough of seeing love
Being played like some game

STUPID PEOPLE, TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS!

People need to stop worrying about this stuff and get off their butts and accualy look for a job. Im so tired of people complaining about not having one but there are jobs out there. I know alot are losing their jobs but the fact that bothers me the most is that everyone so picky about it. I know that there are places hiring, yes mostly gas stations and fast food but still its a job! Either something or nothing. Either take something and complain about your crappy job or just dont complain about not having one. I'm so so so tired of this crap. I have two jobs which I have no way of losing and one of the places is hiring. Sure I have lost a few hours cuz of the "economy" but come on everything goes up and goes down at some point. If everyone stoped acting like there was a problem with our country maybe there wouldnt be. I try to forget that we have a "bad economy". I spend money the same, sure maybe i spend a little less because I have less coming in but its not like I'm spending 70% less than I was.

If people were to go spend money that would mean there is more business which would mean that there would be more demand which would cause a greater output for those products which would increase sales which would increase profit which raises the budget which then allows more money to spend on labor which effects wages and jobs which then goes back into the money flow which then increases sales once again. Perfect sence. Then once business is increased for a stable amount of time prices will drop slowly instead of being raised to accomidate for lost sales. But yes after a great amount of time of stable business prices would raise because people would have more money and could spend more on products and therefore since they have the money will. Supply and Demand. Right NOW we have all this supply and we are fighting for business because everyone is freaking out and wants the lowest price so this throws supply and demand out of wack because the demand is high for products but instead of being able to use that to their advantage and raise prices they have to lower them to gain the business which makes more supply because not everything is selling and then the store gets stuck with those products because they are overstocked and cant move which makes the prices go even lost because the demand goes down the drain and so the store starts losing money just to get rid of these products. Which that is then why lay offs start happening because the store then has to find a way to save money and instead of watching closer to ording products they cut hours. So NOW they are under staffed and doing the same amount of work causing worst customer service, so now customers are not getting the help they need which makes them less likely to want to shop at that store which causes less business. Less business means less demand.


GET IT?

The other day while I was driving home my world was shaken
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Time to find what’s wrong and what’s right
Everybody's watching you now
cause if i burn out i want to burn out bright

La Belle

Je vais parler en francais pourquoi je ne pas tant. Je ne sais pas combien dire ce que je sens. J'ai se fatigue de les gens qui marche en ma vie mais alors marcher dehors. Tout les monde pense que ils peuvent faire peu importe et personne ne prendra soin. Je fais. Pourquoi? Je sais pas! Parce que ta vie est plus important que la mienne. Tu me manques. Je t'aime beacoup. Vous ne serez jamais ma plus grande fan. Pour ce, Je te deteste. Personne ne l'a toujours été avec moi et tu ne dois pas etre quand tu choisiss.

Mais, tu comprendras. Pouvez votre coeur pardonne le péché, même les plus sombres?

sear

The Motions

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?

Your Eyes

I never thought I’d amount to anything
A stable boy, ditch-digger, penny- less king
I’d be Just another mouth to feed, air to breathe, soul to bleed
An absolute worthless thing


Just always did what I was told
Never tried to be heard, stand out, be bold
I’d be just another loud mouthed kid, power grid, car to skid
An absolute worthless thing


In your eyes, I’ll always be your rockstar,
Your baby boy, a brand new toy
In your eyes, if only they could see me through,
If only they knew

Your Eyes

Writin and Composed By Indy Elwood ©

Wisdom

...But when it comes to human beings, the only type of cause that matters is final cause, the purpose. What a person had in mind. Once you understand what people really want, you can't hate them anymore. You can fear them, but you can't hate them, because you can always find the same desires in your own heart. I think it's impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves. Every day all people judge all other people. The question is whether we judge wisely. Free will doesn’t exist. Only the illusion of free will, because the causes of our behavior are so complex that we can’t trace them back. If you’ve got one line of dominoes knocking each other down one by one, then you can always say, Look, this domino fell because that one pushed it. But when you have an infinite number of directions, you can never find where the casual chain begins. So you think, That domino fell because it wanted to. Knowledge is just opinion that you trust enough to act upon. Sometimes lies are more dependable than the truth

MAN Enough?

I get up at seven, yeah
And I go to work at nine
I got no time for livin
Yes, Im workin all the time

It seems to me
I could live my life
A lot better than I think I am
I guess thats why they call me
They call me the workin man

They call me the workin man
I guess thats what I am

Being a man? You want to know what a real man is? A real man is a guy that had his options stripped away, and yet finds hope. Maybe this man didnt have all the choices and pleasures as you did and didn't know what else he could do and wasn't going to settle for less than he thought he was worthy of. Everyone makes bad choices but like its clique to say, you learn from them. You want to know what I've been doing with my time? Lets see...working two jobs, yes two, doing 55 hours a week just to pull in some money so that maybe one day I can have a nice life and not have to worry so much about stuff. Iono what your idea of a MAN is, but to me thats what a real man is, a workin man. And when I'm not workin, I'm playing guitar like I love and dream of and I play at church. So its not like Ive completely lost my dreams, I still get to do what I love. SO what if its not my profession yet. And while your all busy at your fancy christian college doin hw and partyin with your friends, I bet you've lost something that I havnt. Atleast I have something to believe in. And if I dont let people get close to me than maybe thats my business cuz everyone has abandoned me for some reason. You have, havnt you? So if I act like a jerk and push people away, atleast I have a good reason for it and can realy on the person that matters most.

Oh and next time you go writing about people and making assumptions, maybe you should see what its like in there shoes. Theres alot more going on than what someone who hasnt talked to them in 3 months thinks.

Just ask yourself, "Can your heart forgive even the darkest sin?" Didn't think so...

Take Me As I Am

This time I finally see the
Reason why, I can’t do this
Alone, it took some time and concentration,
to believe it, this I know

I need to build my faith sometimes,
but I am so comfortable in line,
I’m up, there’s no more time,
To try to mess with this design

Tonight’s complete,
Everyone’s asleep,
And I wanna say these words to you,
I’ll be Your hands, take me as I am,
I just wanna be with You

Take me as I am, ‘cause I’m goin’,
I was too scared to start,
and now I’m too scared to let go
Take me as I am, ‘cause I’m Growin’,
but it’s so hard to tell when I’m not used to this so

I lift my voice to sing out,
Let the sound of my heart ring out,
These hands aren’t holdin’ me down,
Never again will I be without

I need to build my faith sometimes,
but I am so comfortable in line,
I’m up, there’s no more time,
To try to mess with this design

Tonight’s complete, Everyone’s asleep,
And I wanna say these words to you,
I’ll be Your hands, take me as I am,
I just wanna be with You

Take me as I am, ‘cause I’m goin’,
I was too scared to start,
and now I’m too scared to let go
Take me as I am, ‘cause I’m growin’,
but it’s so hard to tell when I’m not used to this so

Update

WOW its been forever eh? busy i guess but not really is the sad part. Beach with the buddy was awesome! hopefully get to do one last trip with him before he ships out. Music is still amazing!!! Im slowly getting somewhere but who knows not me. Getting a good amount of work done on my car, again slowly but it will get there. Got subs to put back in, those give my car some bounce.

These were the best times of my life

I want to be a big rockstar

Wiped Out

I'm so tired. Work is starting to ware me down a little. But its pretty cool to accualy have friends there now. Like alot of them, from different departments which is kinda tight. They started callin us a possy lol. Got deli, checkers, certisy and meat haha. Its nice know when I go to work that theres people to talk to and chill with on breaks or whatever, instead of being just a loner or sucluded to deli people. I mean sure there are some that dont get along like deli and meat, but the meat guy is more dairy so hes fine lol. After a while though the weeks just kinda mesh together, all you have to look forward to is your days off and then once those pass you start again just counting the days till ur next one off. Always waiting for those times to rest and then once you use them you dont really feel it, you just go, Ahh I cant wait till thursday when I get to sleep in again...and its saturday, the day after your day off..lol.

A lot to look forward to, money, new friends stuff like that which helps you get through it...gotta say that paycheck is what really does it though. Busting you hump so that check is bigger than the last which it never is but you gotta hope.

I'm pooped..

Rush

I get up at seven, yeah
And I go to work at nine
I got no time for livin
Yes, Im workin all the time

It seems to me
I could live my life
A lot better than I think I am
I guess thats why they call me
They call me the workin man

They call me the workin man
I guess thats what I am

Who Cares

Who the hell cares what anyone else thinks, just look into your heart and do whatever the hell makes you happy. Cuz when u do what makes you happy, it tends that things have a way of working out. But it also occured to us that you can have the best intentions but still fall back into old habit. So i guess the real answer is that there is no real answer. you just gotta go for it, or not.