so, interesting day. Parade was amazing, got to meet Tommy Thayer from KISS and got him to autograph my KISS shirt. Got to show off my uni skills in front of people from work, so that was cool. Then I got my hair cut for pics morrow which im excited about. And then worked with pretty much everyone that works there but Erika which was awesome but sad that she wasnt there.
Then I hung with the guys and lauren. We played cards which is always fun. I sorta felt bad though. I felt that I was playing a game I didnt even have a chance at winning. But that was probly just cuz of the way I betted. I had the cards but it was the way I was playing the game. But then at the same time it was just sad to watch how the others played it. It was my first time watching it you see. To tell you the truth I would think I would have the best chance at winning but thats not the case I guess. I really felt bad for michael because of the txt mindy sent travis. I have to say if I was in his spot I woulda probly lost my head. But thats what everyone hates about me, so owell.
Its so funny how everyone knows whats going on but yet no one will admit it or talk about it, straight up atleast. Everyone has to do the whole im soo sneaky and be talking to you and then go talk to them and blah blah blah. It was like at work when Baigal was trying to figure out who I liked and then she told me I should get to know Tram. I mean, im not dumb, that just means that she digs me and I should go for it. Then Baigal goes and probly tells Tram that I really dont know her so there for dont know if I like her. Its just the way the system works I guess. I wish people would just be straight up with each other or accualy try when they are gonna be sneaky. Like when Mindy is around Katie, everyone knows mindy cant stand it and just doesnt want to be in the situation so she there for makes comments that are pretty harsh. When really she should either just come out and say "hey katie, i really dont care for you all that much" or she should accauly pretend that she likes katie instead of doing both at once. It gets to the point where you are like, why? Whats the point to it anymore? If im gonna end up going to poker night just to feel like I dont belong there cuz Rj and Travis are trying to win Lauren and then Mindy is there cuz shes the friend, why am I there? Just for kicks and giggles? Specaily when we all know that Jordan doesnt really like me hanging with mindy and its pretty obveous that mindy sure doesnt seem to want to be around me either. So I end up sitting there with only Chris, Fat Cody and Michael who somewhat care about me being there. And it turns out that im more with Fat Cody than anyone. And while travis and Rj and striking out, im just thinking, "is it really worth it? Is it really worth being here pretending that I dont notice it all and try to feel like I fit in with them but really I feel like crap cuz im not hitting on a girl or on mindy's top 5 list?" When really the one person I truly feel loved and accepted by was gone. The one person I accualy miss at times like those. And that person wasnt Jesse. It was God. I just don't see it in any of them anymore. I feel that its gone. That they all have lost hope. With all the cussing and what not, I just dont get it. We make jokes about each others faith cuz we are so insecuare about our own. We forget that God is always with us watching us. If it wasnt for small little things we all would be gone. If it wasnt for the bible study mindy just started she probly would stop coming. If it wasnt for the friends and people, chris would probly be gone. If it wasnt for the chance to make fun of us Free Meths, Michael would probly be gone. If it wasnt for Mindy, Jordan would probly be gone. And if it wasnt for the music. I would probly be wondering why I am still there. When really should it be, if it wasnt for God, none of us would probly be there?
So lets take all our fake faces and rip them off. Take all the problems and throw em out there. Where EVERYONE knows what it is, instead of hiding alll this crap. "secrets dont make friends" and dont keep them either. Im tired of letting everything that people think or do a secret, we should own up to our actions and thoughts. Thats why I said alot of the things I did. I probly will get alot of crap for it but owell, its true and thats why it hurts to read it. When you can actualy come to me in person and tell me how you hated everything I said about you in this blog, then I will tell you im sorry, if in fact i am, Because you owned up to it and didnt go and try to be hiden or sneaky by sending a message or w/e. But when you can come up to me in public and tell me you have a problem with me, then I will be happy.
Then I hung with the guys and lauren. We played cards which is always fun. I sorta felt bad though. I felt that I was playing a game I didnt even have a chance at winning. But that was probly just cuz of the way I betted. I had the cards but it was the way I was playing the game. But then at the same time it was just sad to watch how the others played it. It was my first time watching it you see. To tell you the truth I would think I would have the best chance at winning but thats not the case I guess. I really felt bad for michael because of the txt mindy sent travis. I have to say if I was in his spot I woulda probly lost my head. But thats what everyone hates about me, so owell.
Its so funny how everyone knows whats going on but yet no one will admit it or talk about it, straight up atleast. Everyone has to do the whole im soo sneaky and be talking to you and then go talk to them and blah blah blah. It was like at work when Baigal was trying to figure out who I liked and then she told me I should get to know Tram. I mean, im not dumb, that just means that she digs me and I should go for it. Then Baigal goes and probly tells Tram that I really dont know her so there for dont know if I like her. Its just the way the system works I guess. I wish people would just be straight up with each other or accualy try when they are gonna be sneaky. Like when Mindy is around Katie, everyone knows mindy cant stand it and just doesnt want to be in the situation so she there for makes comments that are pretty harsh. When really she should either just come out and say "hey katie, i really dont care for you all that much" or she should accauly pretend that she likes katie instead of doing both at once. It gets to the point where you are like, why? Whats the point to it anymore? If im gonna end up going to poker night just to feel like I dont belong there cuz Rj and Travis are trying to win Lauren and then Mindy is there cuz shes the friend, why am I there? Just for kicks and giggles? Specaily when we all know that Jordan doesnt really like me hanging with mindy and its pretty obveous that mindy sure doesnt seem to want to be around me either. So I end up sitting there with only Chris, Fat Cody and Michael who somewhat care about me being there. And it turns out that im more with Fat Cody than anyone. And while travis and Rj and striking out, im just thinking, "is it really worth it? Is it really worth being here pretending that I dont notice it all and try to feel like I fit in with them but really I feel like crap cuz im not hitting on a girl or on mindy's top 5 list?" When really the one person I truly feel loved and accepted by was gone. The one person I accualy miss at times like those. And that person wasnt Jesse. It was God. I just don't see it in any of them anymore. I feel that its gone. That they all have lost hope. With all the cussing and what not, I just dont get it. We make jokes about each others faith cuz we are so insecuare about our own. We forget that God is always with us watching us. If it wasnt for small little things we all would be gone. If it wasnt for the bible study mindy just started she probly would stop coming. If it wasnt for the friends and people, chris would probly be gone. If it wasnt for the chance to make fun of us Free Meths, Michael would probly be gone. If it wasnt for Mindy, Jordan would probly be gone. And if it wasnt for the music. I would probly be wondering why I am still there. When really should it be, if it wasnt for God, none of us would probly be there?
So lets take all our fake faces and rip them off. Take all the problems and throw em out there. Where EVERYONE knows what it is, instead of hiding alll this crap. "secrets dont make friends" and dont keep them either. Im tired of letting everything that people think or do a secret, we should own up to our actions and thoughts. Thats why I said alot of the things I did. I probly will get alot of crap for it but owell, its true and thats why it hurts to read it. When you can actualy come to me in person and tell me how you hated everything I said about you in this blog, then I will tell you im sorry, if in fact i am, Because you owned up to it and didnt go and try to be hiden or sneaky by sending a message or w/e. But when you can come up to me in public and tell me you have a problem with me, then I will be happy.
4 comments:
so i basically almost completely agree with you. the only part that u got wrong was the me trying to win lauren part, im actually not trying to pursue that so haha.
ok, well im sorry about that then, i just thought that you were. my bad!
Sooooo.... you should call me sometime. Or tell me when I can call you. Preferably after 9 or on the weekends. Would love to chat brother. I miss ya.
Bravo Indy!!! =)
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